Being a dark overlord with many fates for you miscreants

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUNTIE EVA.. I hope you have an awesome one today! :) You've been so kind to others.. thanks.

I definitely mean this with all my heart:
today, I feel much better than I did before ;)
but I have to go to another meeting later.. um, yay?
(which I don't WANT to go to, as I do nothing of value there)
oh well.. focus on the positives!

sometimes I wish I were a dark overlord..
(or whatever the feminine equivalent of one would be)
then I could get everyone to do things MY way..
get the annoying people off the streets, too..
have instant help whenever I wished..
command everyone to do my bidding..
with very dire consequences if they dared defy me..

mwahahahahaha.. FEAR MY WRATH..
coz I'm the devil incarnate and have special powers..
I can make you all burn in hell if you cross me..
among other things, beware my fiery breath! (comes with eating a whole bowl of mini-peppers and spices, y'know.. I can freak people out with that, too)
if you bug me today, I am going to be VERY annoyed..
I'll think up extreme fates for you, don't you worry..

exsanguination; being burned at the stake; being forced to watch as various body parts of yours are being chopped off or burned; tearing your still-beating heart from your body (as the Aztecs did); being hung, drawn, and quartered; all those oh-so-lovely Middle Ages methods of execution; being garroted with heavy rope; being shot at point-blank range; impalement on a sharp stake; beheading; being frozen to death in an oubliette, and then set on fire; exquisitely painful torture on the rack; lynching; being pressed to death by stones on your chest (as happened to poor Giles Cory during the Salem witchcraft trials of 1692); having a red-hot sword run through your body; being shot, stabbed, poisoned, and drowned (as happened to Rasputin during the Russian Revolution of 1917); having wild stallions tear you limb from limb..

there's plenty more where that came from..
(I *do* read true crime / murder books, you know!)
so in short: watch out when you see me!
MUHAHAHAHAHA.. I hold ALL the power..
feeling deliciously devilish and diabolical now..
it's a very good and vicious day here.. ;)


(I should note that there is absolutely NO reason to be worried about my mental health or my stability.. I was just going with a joke here, and meant the above as an amusingly comical rant :P)