Reflections on the nature of self-doubt

Reposted in LJ / GJ on January 19, 2004.

I have people coming over later tonight..
it'll be a good thing, you know?
having friends over is cool..
and they WILL sign the blue book.. mwahahahaha!

MORE REFLECTIONS
I've gotta say that I do struggle with self-doubt sometimes, but then again.. doesn't everyone? I mean, you can be happily chugging along, when suddenly..

BAM!

self-doubt and self-disparaging thoughts start to invade your headspace.. being the insidious little buggers that they are, the thoughts won't be easily wiped away (or at least that's what I find)

no matter how often your friends tell you good things about yourself.. no matter how you do indeed know that you've done these same good things (even though you don't want to take credit for it all yourself.. letting it all go to God or the deity of your choice, sharing it with other people, etc.).. and no matter how often people do want to be near you and talk to you because you're you..

those persistent buggers still remain inside ya head! I mean, what the heck is up with that?!? you could say it's the Devil, were you so minded.. heck, sometimes I do ;)

just don't dwell on it? sound advice perhaps, but if you're like me and feel trapped inside your head all the time.. that might not work! get out and do stuff? sure.. but if your motivation is sorely lacking and you can always find excuses.. eh. not easy to get yourself out of a funk or rut, that's for sure! but I guess entertainment will do, of course.. wooyeah! entertain me now, people! :P (or else a dire fate will befall you.. mwahahaha)

of course, if you're lucky.. sometimes you can go months without experiencing the malady known as doubting yourself.. me, I haven't been able to do that in ages.. but positive things always help to eradicate it, even if not completely!

and that MIGHT be why I'd do a tally of things that cheer me up.. not that I want to get a swelled head or feel TOO good about myself (coz then, something bad might happen to me to cancel it out ).. but if reading things that were good in my opinion helps with this, then I'll try it!

so IF this new tally comes.. it might include compliments, things that made me feel good about myself, things that cheered me up, and other items of that nature.. guess we'll have to see :P

those of you who think I laugh out loud too much for no reason already (like, are my sibs reading this? ;) ).. be forewarned.. not that I'm going to include EVERYTHING that provokes that reaction (or it'll be a very long read), but maybe some of those things..

of course, with some of those things.. you'd just have to be there! (as with some of my hilarious quotes.. but I try to appeal to a broad range with those.. or at least not get too esoteric)

so is the tally coming? surely if I mentioned the possibility of such twice in a few days, it must be.. right? I don't know about THAT, but you shall soon see.. mwahahaha.

(man, this has been a rambling post.. I blame the residual caffeine from yesterday's bubble tea consumption :P)