Turd records! (gross, yes...)

This is taken from a library book called The Best Bizarre But True Stories Ever!


Butt-Busters

The squeamish among you may choose to look away at this point, as we reveal an astonishing and disturbing set of records that are unlikely to appear in any book published by the good people at Guinness.

Establishing an unlikely sounding record, the longest turd ever recorded was that produced by an American man, who spent two hours and twelve minutes creating a monster measuring twelve feet, two inches in length.

And just for the record, the widest turd in history was measured at four and a half inches in diameter.

While staying with matters lavatorial, the record for the longest fart in history is held by a man from London, England, who managed two minutes and forty-two seconds.

Just who authenticates these records remains a mystery, as does the necessary qualifications for the job.