Euphemisms

A page FULL of penis euphemisms!


Got all these from my copy of The Odd Index by Stephen J. Spignesi. :D

Disclaimer: I don't agree with all the language here... but given that these are some sexy euphemisms, you'll have to bear with it. Or skip this entry, if you like.. doesn't matter to me. :D


For the Penis: (195)

Ass Opener
Baby Maker
Bald-Headed Hermit
Baloney Pony
Banana
Battering Ram
Bean Tosser
Beef Bayonet
Best Leg of Three
Bishop
Blow Torch
Bone
Boy
Broom Handle
Bug Fucker
Bum Tickler
Burrito
Bush Beater
Bushwhacker
Candle
Carrot
Cherry Picker
Club
Coral Branch
Crack Hunter
Creamstick
Crimson Chitterling
Crotch Cobra
Cucumber
Dangling Participle
Dart of Love
Ding Dong
Dingus
Dipstick
Divining Rod
Dong
Donkey
Dork
Dragon
Dribbling Dart of Love
Drumstick
Eel
Eye Opener
Fishing Rod
Foaming Beef Probe
Fool Sticker
Frankfurter
Gardener
Giggle Stick
Girlometer
Gooser
Goose's Neck
Gravy Maker
Grinding Tool
Gun
Hair Splitter
Hammer
Hanging Johnny
Holy Poker
Honeypot Cleaver
Horn
Hose
Irish Root
Jack-in-the-Box
Jiggling Bone
Joy Stick
Kidney Scraper
Kosher Pickle
A Lady's Delight
Ladies' Lollipop
Lance of Love
Licorice Stick
Life Preserver
Live Sausage
Lizard
Lobster
Love Dart
Love Muscle
Love Pump
Love Sausage
Lung Disturber
Magic Wand
Master of Ceremonies
Matrimonial Peacemaker
Maypole
Meat Whistle
Middle Leg
Milkman
Mr. Happy
Muscle of Love
Mutton Dagger
Nag
Needle
Nine Inch Knocker
Old Slimy
Our One-Eyed Brother
One-Eyed Milkman
One-Eyed Monster
One-Eyed Pants Mouse
One-Eyed Trouser Snake
One-Eyed Wonder
One-Eyed Worm
One-Eyed Zipper Snake
Peacemaker
Pee-Wee
Pen
Pencil
Piccolo
Pile Driver
Pilgrim's Staff
Pink Oboe
Pioneer of Nature
Pipe
Pisser
Pistol
Plug
Plunger
Pointer
Poker
Pole
Pork Sword
Prong
Pump Handle
Quim Wedge
Ram
Rammer
Ramrod
Raw Meat
Reamer
Red Hot Poker
Rod of Love
Rolling Pin
Rooster
Root
Roto-Rooter
Rumpleforeskin
Rump Splitter
Saint Peter
Sceptre
Schlong
Schvontz
Schween
Screwdriver
Serpent
Shaft of Cupid
Short Arm
Silent Flute
Skin Flute
Small Arm
Snake
Spigot
Split-Ass Mechanic
Staff
Stallion
Star Gazer
Stick
Stretcher
Stump
Sugar Stick
Sweet Meat
Swizzle Stick
Sword
Tail Pipe
Tally Whacker
Tent Peg
Thingamabob
Third Leg
Thumb of Love
Tickler
Tommy Banana
Tool
Torch of Cupid
Toy
Trigger
Tube
Tube Steak
Uncle Dick
Wand
Wang
Water Spout
Wazoo
Weapon
Wedge
Weenie
Whacker
Whang
Whang Bone
Whanger
Whip
Whistle
Whore Pipe
Worm
Wriggling Pole
Yum-Yum
Zubrick


For Sexual Intercourse (228):

Adam and Eve It
Be in a Woman's Beef
Be up to One's Balls
Beat Someone with an Ugly Stick
Boink Someone
Bone Someone
Bop Someone
Bump Bellies
Bunny Fuck
Bury the Weenie
Buzz the Brillo
Cream Someone
Dance the Buttock Jig
Dance the Matrimonial Polka
Dance the Mattress Jig
Dip Your Wick
Do a Bit of Front Door Work
Do a Dicky Dunk
Do a Dive in the Dark
Do a Four-Legged Frolic
Do a Grumble and Grunt
Do a Lewd Infusion
Do Boom-Boom
Do Dirty Work at the Crossroads
Do Horizontal Exercises
Do Some Ladies' Tailoring
Do Some Nose Painting
Do Some Rump Work
Do Some Twat Raking
Do Target Practice
Do the Act of Darkness
Do the Bone Dance
Do the Chores
Do the Featherbed Jig
Do the Horizontal Hula
Do the Naughty
Do the Ugly
Drive Home
Eat Cauliflower
Eat Hymeneal Sweets
Enjoy a Flesh Session
Exchange Spit
Fan Someone
Feed the Dummy
Fit End to End
Fix Her Plumbing
Flop in the Hay
Get a Belly Full of Marrow Pudding
Get a Pair of Balls Against Your Butt
Get a Shove in Your Blind Eye
Get into Someone's Pants
Get Jack in the Orchard
Get Oats From Someone
Get Your Ashes Hauled
Get Your Chimney Swept Out
Get Your End Wet
Get Your Hair Cut
Get Your Leather Stretched
Get Your Nuts Cracked
Get Your Oil Changed
Give a Hole to Hide In
Give a Woman a Shot
Give Hard for Soft
Get Her a Hosing
Give Her a Past
Give Her the Business
Give Juice for Jelly
Give Pussy a Taste of Cream
Give Someone a Stab
Give Someone the Works
Give the Dog a Bone
Go Bed-Pressing
Go Belly-to-Belly
Go Fishing
Go Like a Belt-Fed Motor
Go Like a Rat Up a Drainpipe
Go Like a Rat Up a Rhododendron
Go on Bush Patrol
Go Rump-Splitting
Go Star-Gazing on Your Back
Go to Town
Go to Work with Someone
Goose Someone
Grease the Wheel
Grind Your Tool
Hammer Someone
Haul Your Ashes
Have a Bit of Curly Greens
Have a Bit of Fish
Have a Bit of Fun
Have a Bit of Giblet Pie
Have a Bit of Pork
Have a Bit of Skirt
Have a Bit of Split Mutton
Have a Bit of Sugar Stick
Have a Bit of Summer Cabbage
Have a Bit of the Creamstick
Have a Blanket Drill
Have a Bun in the Oven
Have a Hot Roll with Cream
Have a Joy Ride
Have a Lady Feast
Have a Navel Engagement
Have a Nooner
Have a Northwest Cocktail
Have a Piece of Tail
Have a Poke
Have a Roll in the Hay
Have a Squeeze and a Squirt
Have a Turn on Your Back
Have Gin on the Rocks
Have Hot Pudding for Supper
Have Live Sausage for Supper
Hide the Salami
Hide the Sausage
Horizontalize
Hose Someone
Hump Someone
Impale Someone
Introduce Charlie
Invade Someone
Jab Someone
Jazz Someone
Jiggle Someone
Join Paunches
Juice Someone
Jump on Someone's Bones
Lay Some Pipe
Lie Feet Up
Lift a Leg on a Woman
Light the Lamp
Look at the Ceiling over a Man's Shoulder
Lose the Match and Pocket the Stake
Lubricate Someone
Make Baskets
Make Ends Meet
Make Feet for Children's Shoes
Make Her Grunt
Make the Chimney Smoke
Mingle Bloods
Mingle Limbs
Mix Your Peanut Butter
Mount Someone
Nail Someone
Nail Two Bellies Together
Nibble Someone
Open Up to Someone
Parallel Park
Peel Your Best End
Phallicize Someone
Plant a Man
Plant the Oats
Play at In-and-Out
Play at Tops-and-Bottoms
Play Cars and Garages
Play Doctor
Play Hide the Weenie
Play Hospital
Play Night Baseball
Play on the Hair Court
Play Pickle-Me, Tickle-Me
Play the First Game Ever Played
Play the Organ
Play the Trombone
Play Tiddliwinks
Plow Someone
Plug Someone
Poke Someone
Pop It In
Pork Someone
Post a Letter
Pound Someone
Pray with the Knees Upward
Pump Someone
Put Four Quarters on the Spit
Put the Bee in the Hive
Put the Boots to Someone
Put the Devil into Hell
Ram Someone
Ride Someone
Ride the Hobby Horse
Roller Skate
Rob Bacons
Sacrifice to Venus
Saw Off a Chunk
Screw Someone
Shake a Skin Coat
Shake the Sheets
Shoot Between Wind and Water
Shoot Your Wad
Shtupp Someone
Sink It In
Sink the Soldier
Slam Someone
Slip Someone the Hot Beef Injection
Smoke Someone
Spear the Bearded Clam
Split Someone
Stab a Woman in the Thigh
Stain Someone
Stretch Leather
Suck the Sugar-Stick
Take a Belly Ride
Take a Trip up the Rhine
Take a Turn in the Stubble
Take a Turn on Shooter's Hill
Take Nebuchadnezzar Out to Grass
Take the Starch Out of Someone
Taste Someone
Tear Off a Piece
Tell a Bedtime Story
Thread the Needle
Throw a Leg Over
Tie the True Lover's Knot
Trade a Bit of Hard for a Bit of Soft
Trim the Buff
Trot Out Your Pussy
Varnish Your Cane
Wank Someone
Wet Your Bottom
Wet Your Wick
Whitewash Someone
Wind Up the Clock
Work Out
Work the Hairy Oracle
Wriggle Navels
Yield Your Favors
Zig-Zag Someone


For Masturbation (96):

Ball Off
Beat Off
Beat Your Hog
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Pop
Belt Your Hog
The Blanket Drill
Bop the Baloney
Box the Jesuit
Bring Down by Hand
Chicken Milking
Choke the Chicken
Coax the Cojones
Cuff Your Governor
Diddle Yourself
Do Paw-Paw Tricks
Dong Flogging
Fight Your Turkey
Fist Fuck
Five Against One
Flog Yourself
Flog Your Log
Flong Your Dong
Fondle Your Fig
Frig Yourself
Fuck Mary Fist
Gallop Your Antelope
Get a Hold of Yourself
Get Your Nuts Off
Gherkin Jerking
Grip It
Hand Jive
A Hand Job
Handle Yourself
Jack Off
Jag Off
Jazz Yourself
Jerk Off
Jerk Your Gherkin
Keep the Census Down
Lizard Milking
Manipulate Your Mango
Manual Exercise
Manual Pollution
Milk the Lizard
The One-Legged Race
Paddle the Pickle
Play with Yourself
Plunk Your Twanger
The Portuguese Pump
Pound Off
Pound Your Pomegranate
Pound Your Pod
Pound the Meat
Prod the Peepee
Pull Yourself Off
Pull Your Pud
Pull Your Pudding
Pull Your Wire
Pump Your Pickle
Pump Your Python
Rub Off
Shag Off
She-Bop
Shower Spank
Simple Infanticide
Sling Your Jelly
Sling Your Juice
Snap the Rubber
Snap the Whip
A Soldier's Joy
The Solitary Sin
Spank Yourself
Squeeze the Lemon
Stroke Yourself
Stroke the Lizard
Strum Your Clitty
Take Yourself in Hand
Tickle Your Crack
Tickle Your Pickle
Toss Off
Twang Your Wire
Wank Off
Whack Off
Whack the Bishop
Whang Off
Whank Off
Whip Off
Whip the Dummy
Whip Your Wire
Work Off
Yank Off
Yank Your Strap
Yank Your Yam


For the Devil (40):

The Arch Fiend
The Author of Evil
Beelzebub
The Black Gentleman
The Black Spy
The Black Man
The Black Prince
The Dark One
Dickens
The Evil One
The Fallen Angel
The Father of Lies
The Gentleman in Black
Goodman
His Satanic Majesty
Lord Harry
Lucifer
Mephistopheles
The Noseless One
Old Billy
Old Dad
The Old Driver
The Old Gentleman
The Old Gooseberry
Old Harry
Old Horny
The Old One
Old Roundfoot
Old Scratch
Old Split Foot
The Prince of Darkness
Queed
The Ragman
Saint Nicholas
Sam Hill
Satan
Scratch
Skipper
Toast
The Wicked One


For Cocaine (51):

Angel
Blow
Bolivian Marching Powder
Cadillac
California
Cornflakes
Candy
Cane
Charley Coke
C-Jam
Crack
Croak
Doctor White
Florida Snow
Frisky Powder
Gibraltar
Go Powder
Happy Dust
Hooter
Icicles
Inca Message
Joy Flakes
Lady
Love Dust
Magic Flake
Mama Coca
Nose Candy
Number Three
Peruvian Flake
Pimp Dust
Pogo Pogo
Rails
Reindeer Dust
Rock Candy
Snort
Snow
Soda
Spanish Fly
Stardust
Superblow
Superfly
Toot
Tootonium
Tootuncommon
Uptown
White
White Cross
White Girl
White Mosquitoes
White Stuff
Wings


For Being Sexually Aroused (30):

To Be Affy
To Be Blotty
To Be Mustard
To Be on Blob
To Be Constitutionally Inclined to Gallantry
To Be Dripping for It
To Feel Fuzzy
To Feel Hairy
To Be Het Up
To Be Hot and Bothered
To Be Hot Assed
To Be Hot Blooded
To Be Hot in the Biscuit
To Be Hunky
To Be in Season
To Be in the Mood
To Have Itchy Pants
To Be Juicy
To Be Mashed
To Be On for One's Greens
To Have Peas in the Pot
To Be Primed
To Be Proud
To Be Randy
To Be Ranting
To Be Rooty
To Be Rusty
To Be Touchable
To Be Turned On
To Be Wet


For Female Breasts (75):

The Apple Dumpling Shop
Babaloos
Baby Pillows
Balloons
Bazongas
Bazooms
Bee Bites
Begonias
Big Brown Eyes
Bodacious Tatas
Boobies
Boobs
Boulders
Bouncers
Bra Busters
Bubbies
Bulbs
Bumpers
Butter Bags
Charlies
Charms
Chestnuts
Cream Jugs
Cupcakes
Dairies
Dinner
Droopers
Eyes
Feeding Bottles
Fried Eggs
Garbanzos
Gazongas
Globes
Grapefruits
Grapes
Handwarmers
Headlights
Honeydew Melons
Hooters
Jelly on Springs
Jugs
Kajoobies
Kettledrums
Knockers
Lemons
Love Bubbles
Lungs
Lung Warts
Maracas
Marshmallows
Melons
Milk Bottles
The Milky Way
Mosquito Bites
Mountains
Muffins
Murphies
Oranges
Pantry Shelves
Peaches
The Playground
Superdroopers
Swingers
Teacups
Tonsils
Torpedos
The Treasure Chest
Tremblers
Twin Loveliness
The Twins
The Udders
The Upper Deck
The Upper Works
Warts
Watermelons


For Defecation (33):

Bury a Quaker
Ca-Ca
Capoop
Chuck a Turd
Deposit
Dispatch Your Cargo
Do a Job
Drop a Load
Drop Turds
Drop Your Wax
Dump
Ease Nature
Fill Your Pants
George
Go Potty
Go to the Bathroom
Go to the Library
Grunt
An Irish Shave
Make a Deposit
Pick a Daisy
Poop
Poo-Poo
Post a Letter
Relieve Yourself
See John
Shit
Smell the Place Up
Soil Your Linens
Squat
Squeeze Cheeks
Take a Crap
Take a Dump


For Testicles (53):

Allsbay
Apples
Bangers
Baubles
Beecham's Pills
Berries
Birds' Eggs
Booboos
Bullets
Bum Balls
Buttons
Cannon Balls
Charlies
Chestnuts
Clangers
Clappers
Clock Weights
Coffee Stalls
Cojones
Crystals
Cubes
Danglers
Diamonds
Doodads
Dohickeys
Family Jewels
Frick and Frack
Gooseberries
Jingleberries
Knockers
Love Apples
Male Mules
Marbles
Marshmallows
Mountain Oysters
Niagara Falls
Nicknacks
Nutmegs
Nuts
Orchestra Stalls
Oysters
Pebbles
Plums
Rocks
Seeds
Spunk Holders
Stones
Swingers
Tallywags
Testimonials
The Twins
Vitals
Whirlygigs


For Dying (46):

Answer the Last Call
Beam Up
Bite the Big One
Bite the Dust
Breathe Your Last
Buy Your Lunch
Buy the Farm
Cash In Your Chips
Climb the Golden Staircase
Crack Up Your Toes
Coil Up Your Ropes
Come Over
Croak
Cross the Great Divide
Drop Off the Hooks
Fade Away
Give Up the Ghost
Go Home
Go On to a Better World
Go the Way of All Flesh
Go Tits Up
Go to Heaven
Go to Meet Your Maker
Go to Sleep
Go West
Hand In Your Chips
Join the Angels
Join the Great Majority
Kick the Bucket
Kick the Dust
Lay Down the Knife and Fork
Pass In Your Chips
Pop Off the Hooks
Pull a Cluck
Raise the Wind
Shit the Bed
Snuff It
Squiff It
Step Into Your Last Bus
Step Off
Stick Your Spoon in the Wall
Sun Your Moccasins
Take an Earth Bath
Take the Long Count
Tip Over
Yield Up the Ghost


For Alcohol (25):

Bitch's Wine
Bug Juice
Coffin Varnish
Cold Coffee
Colorado Cocktail
Dutch Courage
Embalming Fluid
Jungle Juice
Mexican Milk
Nanny Goat Sweat
Panther Piss
Pig Sweat
Piss Maker
Potato Soup
Prairie Dew
Prairie Juice
Shampoo
Snake Juice
Snake Poison
Squaw Piss
Strip Me Naked
Tarantula Juice
Tiger Sweat
Tonsil Bath
Witch Piss


For an Erection (45):

The Bazooka
A Bit of Hard
A Bit of Soft
The Bone
A Boner
Captain Standish
The Cockstand
Colleen Bawn
Crack a Fat
The Cunt Stretcher
Fixed Bayonets
A Full
The Golden Rivet
A Hard-On
The Horn
In One's Best Clothes
In One's Sunday Best
An Irish Toothache
Jack
A Lance at Rest
The Marquess of Lorn
Morning Pride
Old Hornington
Old Horny
Be on the Stand
Be Piss Proud
Be Proud Below the Navel
The Rail
The Ramrod
The Reamer
To Rise in One's Levis
The Roaring Horn
Roaring Jack
The Rock Python
The Spike
The Stalk
The Standard
The Standing Member
Standingware
Stiff and Stout
A Stiff One
Stiffy
A Toothache
A Wood
A Woody


For Vomiting (84):

Barf
Blow Beets
Blow Chow
Blow Lunch
Blow Your Cookies
Blow Your Groceries
Bow to the Porcelain Altar
Buick
Call Ruth
Chew the Cheese
Chuck Up
Chum the Fish
DeFood
Drain the Bilge
Drive the Porcelain Bus
Earl
Feed the Fishes
Flash the Hash
Fred
Go to Europe with Ralph and Earl in a Buick
Happy Returns
Hug the Porcelain God
Hug the Throne
Hurl
Jerk the Cat
Kiss the Porcelain God
Laugh at the Carpet
Launch Your Lunch
A Liquid Laugh
Lose a Meal
Lose Your Cookies
Lose Your Lunch
Make a Sale
Make Love to the Porcelain Goddess
Make Pizza
Marry Your Porcelain Mistress
Pray to the Porcelain God
Puke
Pump Ship
Purge
Ralph
Retch
Reverse Gears
Ride the Buick
Ride the Porcelain Bus
Ride the Porcelain Honda
Rolf
Ruth
Sell Buicks
Sell Out
Shit
Shoot Your Cat
Shoot Your Cookies
Shoot the Works
Skin a Goat
Snap Your Cookies
Spew
Spill Your Breakfast
Spill the Blue Groceries
Spit Beef
Talk into the Porcelain Telephone
Talk on the Great White Telephone
Talk to Earl
Talk to Ralph on the Big White Phone
Throw a Map
Throw Your Voice
Throw Up
Throw Up Your Toenails
Toss Your Cookies
Toss Your Lunch
Toss Your Tacos
Unspit
Unswallow
Upchuck
Urp
Water Buffalo
Wheeze
Woof Cookies
Worship the Porcelain God
Worship the Throne
Yak
Yank
Yuke
Zuke


For Urination (53):

Answer Nature's Call
Burn the Grass
Check the Ski Rack
Do Pee-Pee
Drain the Crankcase
Drain the Dragon
Drain the Lizard
Drain the Main Vein
Drain the Suds
Drain Your Radiator
Drain Your Snake
Give the Chinaman a Music Lesson
Go and See If the Horse Has Kicked Off His Blanket
Go to Egypt
Kill a Tree
Look Upon a Hedge
Make a Piss Stop
Make a Pit Stop
Number One
Pay a Visit
Pee
Pick a Daisy
Piddle
Piss
Pluck a Rose
Point Percy at the Porcelain
Post a Letter
Powder Your Nose
Pump Ship
See a Man About a Horse
See Johnny
See Mrs. Murphy
Shake Hands with an Old Friend
Shake Hands with the Guy You Enlisted With
Shake Hands with Your Wife's Best Friend
Shake the Dew Off the Lily
Shoot a Lion
Spring a Leak
Squeeze the Lemon
Squirt
Syphon the Python
Take a Leak
Take Your Snake for a Gallop
Tap a Kidney
Tinkle
Train Terrence on the Terra Cotta
Visit the Sandbox
Wash Your Hands
Water the Dragon
Water the Horses
Water Your Pony
Wring the Rattlesnake
Wring Your Sock Out